


Not now.

by ilostmyothersock



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25268104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilostmyothersock/pseuds/ilostmyothersock
Summary: Buck offers to help Hen study for the MCAT, but she turns him down. Maddie reveals some things to Chimney.Basically I'm just indulging myself in some smart!Buck and secretcollegegraduate!Buck.TW: There are very vague/brief allusions to depression and eating issues.
Comments: 31
Kudos: 250





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a slow shift, and Hen and Chimney were sitting in the loft, Hen’s MCAT study materials spread in front of them. Buck came up the stairs, his latest book in his hand, and when he saw them his face lit up.

“Are you studying? Can I help? I love science!”

Hen looked up from her books briefly, giving him a tense smile. “Buckaroo... I want to say yes, but I’m really short on time.”

Buck frowned, confused. “Oh, of course. But I thought, Chimney’s helping, so I could -”

Hen gave him a sympathetic smile. “Buck, I love you, but this isn’t just cool science facts, sweetheart. Knowing that snails can sleep for three years isn’t going to help me with this.”

Buck’s face fell. “I know... I -”

“Right now we’re on organic chemistry,” Buck’s face brightened again, and he opened his mouth to speak, “so babe, _please,_ some other time, okay? This stuff is hard.”

Buck blinked. “I... sure... yeah, okay. I get it.”

Hen let out a sigh of relief, coming up to give him a tight hug. “When all this is over I _promise_ I will take you out for coffee and you can tell me all about everything you’ve been reading lately, okay?”

Buck gave her a strained smile. “Sure. I’d like that. I’ll uh... I’ll let you get back to it, then.”

Hen squeezed his shoulder gently in thanks, and went to sit back down at the table, turning her focus back to the material in front of her. Chimney gave Buck a sympathetic look. Buck tried to smile before turning his gaze away and heading to the bunk room.

Hen sighed as the door swung shut. “I hope he isn’t upset... there just isn’t time.”

Chimney patted her arm. “I’m sure he gets it. He knows you’re stressed. He just wants to help, that’s all.”

“I know. I wish this were something he _could_ help with, though.”

\---

Chimney knew that Buck had plans to have dinner with Maddie that night. His own shift ended a few hours after Buck’s, but he was hoping to catch him at their apartment before he left. He still felt guilty, remembering Buck’s downtrodden look as he walked away. He knew Buck was an adult, and that he would understand that they were tight on study time. He knew Buck would see, logically, that Hen didn’t have time to indulge his love of fun facts just then, but he still wanted to make sure that the kid was okay.

He was disappointed to find Maddie alone in their living room when he got home. Grabbing a beer, he sat down beside her with a sigh.

“Did Buck seem okay at dinner?” he asked carefully.

Maddie frowned, turning to face him. “What? Yeah, I mean... a little quiet like he sometimes gets when something is on his mind, but... he said nothing was bothering him, and he seemed otherwise okay. He ate, at least.”

Chimney nodded slowly. Buck tended to lose his appetite when anything was seriously wrong, so that, at least, was a good sign.

“Did something happen at work?” Maddie asked.

“I... not really. Nothing bad, I mean. Nothing work-related. It was a pretty quiet day, actually.”

“But...”

“ _But..._ I was helping Hen study for the MCAT, and he wanted to help, and I know he loves trivia and all that, but Hen hasn’t got much time to work on this stuff, you know? There just isn’t time to spare to indulge him, as fun as his fun-fact tangents can be.”

There was silence for a moment, and Chimney looked up from his beer to see Maddie staring at him curiously. She opened and shut her mouth a few times before slowly asking, “Why do you think he would go on a trivia tangent?”

Chimney shrugged. “I mean, I love that kid, you know I do, but... that’s what he does? Like, I know he’s not dumb, and that he likes to read, and that he’s got a _truly wild_ number of interesting tidbits stored away, but... it just wasn’t the time for talking about how elephants can’t jump. We were going through chemistry stuff.”

Maddie raised an eyebrow. “Chim... Buck majored in biochemistry.”

Chimney blinked. “What?”

“Yeah... he has an honours science degree. Biochem major, math minor.” Chimney’s jaw dropped. “He even wrote the MCAT... and did pretty well to be honest.”

“ _What?_ ”

Maddie frowned. “You didn’t know?”

Chimney shook his head. “I didn’t even know he _went_ to college. I think... I mean I think I remember him mentioning applying once, but he has never, in all the years I’ve known him, _ever_ talked about actually going. I just... assumed he didn’t get in, or didn’t go.”

Maddie shook her head. “He went on academic scholarship. He’s just... he’s a little weird about it, to be honest.”

“ _Why?_ Like why would he _never_ mention it? It’s something to be proud of, not ashamed... I’d be proud, if I were him.”

Maddie shrugged. “I _am_ proud of him. He just doesn’t like to talk about it, I guess.”

Chimney paused, another question coming to his mind. “Wait... you said he did _well_ on the MCAT? Why did he switch to firefighting, then? Don’t tell me that kid’s actually secretly a full-on doctor...”

“No, no, he didn’t go to med school. I... he, uh... didn’t have a great last year of college, didn’t apply to medical school like he’d been planning, and then as soon as he graduated he was off to South America, to do... God knows what, if I’m honest. I think he bartended a bit, partied more than a bit... He’d send the occasional text, but then we kind of lost contact...” _because of Doug_ , went unsaid.

“Wow. I... I didn’t know.”

Maddie sighed, getting up to pour herself something to drink.

“He’s... a lot smarter than he lets on, Howie. Sometimes I hear people making jokes, making fun of him for being dumb, and it doesn’t _seem_ to bother him, but it bothers _me_. Especially when he doesn’t stand up for himself, or worse, _agrees_ and jokes about it himself.”

Chimney felt guilt flood through him. He wondered if Maddie knew that he’d made a lot of those jokes himself. He’d have to apologize to Buck, the next time he saw him. In the meantime, “I’m so sorry, Maddie. I was definitely one of them. I didn’t know, and I _definitely_ didn’t realize it bothered _you_. ”

Maddie shrugged. “I just... I worry about him... a lot. I don’t like the way he talks about himself sometimes. Especially... especially knowing some of the things he’s struggled with, in the past.”

Chimney nodded, taking her hand in his, interlacing their fingers.

“I promise, never again, okay? I’ll talk to him, and I’ll look out for him. He’s your little brother, so he’s mine too. Although, really, he was before I even met you. I shouldn’t have done it, and I shouldn’t have let it happen. I’m so sorry.”

Maddie smiled at him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was their next shift together. Hen and Chimney were restocking the ambulance after a call when Chimney paused. Buck had been on his mind since his talk with Maddie, but he hadn’t been sure how much he should reveal.

“Hey Hen?”

Hen stopped what she was doing, looking at him with a raised eyebrow when he didn’t immediately continue. “...Yeah?”

Chimney chewed on his words for a moment before continuing. “Uh, next time we study... maybe just let Buck join in?”

Hen’s face softened. She still felt guilty about turning him down. It really wouldn’t hurt to give him a bit of time to talk about the things that were exciting him. Buck always loved everything and everyone so deeply and so loudly, she had hated telling him no. If she had to stay up a little later that night to catch up on her study schedule, so be it. She was surprised, though, that Chimney was the one who suggested it. Had Chimney found out that Buck was more upset than he let on? Maybe Buck had said something to him, or maybe he had said something to Maddie, who had then passed it on to Chim. She loved that kid, and she didn’t want to do anything to dampen his spirit. Studying would have to wait. She gave Chimney a smile and a nod, “of course,” before turning back to what she was doing.

\---

Three calls later there finally seemed to be a lull, so Hen took the opportunity to spread her study materials across the benches in the locker room, pulling out her whiteboard markers. Chimney soon joined her. They were making their way through the Biology section, alternating between reviewing concepts and doing practice questions, when Buck came into view on the other side of the glass. He seemed to give the notes written on the glass wall a once-over before going to open the door, giving them a tight smile when he realized they were staring at him. He paused, chewing on his lip, before shaking his head minutely and beelining to his locker. He pulled out his phone charger before giving them another tentative smile and making to leave again.

Hen cleared her throat, feeling a little awkward. “Hey, Buckaroo?” Buck was almost at the door, his back to them.

“Yeah?” He didn’t turn around, but Hen could see his hands were moving like he was trying not to fidget nervously. She felt guilt rush through her again. Whatever she was going to have to listen to next was worth it, to not have to see her normally enthusiastic friend so timid. Maybe she could at least get him to talk about something close to on-topic.

“Do you know anything about the endocrine system?”

She expected Buck to get excited. She expected Buck to beam at her before launching into a tirade that maybe started with some miscellany on hormones but eventually devolved into rambling about the history of science.

What she didn’t expect as for Buck to turn around to face her slowly. She didn’t expect Buck’s brow to crease as he looked at her unsurely.

“Yes? A bit? I mean...”

She smiled encouragingly. “We’re looking at it for the first time, do you know any...” she didn’t want to say trivia, she didn’t want to say fun facts... “um... anything about how it works?” Maybe he didn’t recognize the name, but she was sure he had some cool things about it stored away in the treasure trove of information that was his brain. “It’s glands and hormones and stuff.” She was sure that once he realized what she was asking about, he would be excited to share - he always was.

“I... I know.”

Hen frowned, confused by his nervousness. She plastered a smile back on, hoping to bolster his confidence as she held out a marker to him. “What do you know about it?”

\---

What _didn’t_ Buck know about it, was a more appropriate question.

Tentatively at first, but then more confidently as he picked up momentum, Buck launched into what could only be called an introductory lecture on the endocrine system. For every question Hen asked he had a clear, succinct answer or explanation almost immediately. He drew helpful diagrams, emphasized key words and concepts, and even had a few fun analogies that, to Hen’s surprise, really helped solidify her understanding.

After a few moments of staring, trying to hide her shock but also trying to absorb the information he was giving her, Hen found herself picking up some paper and a pen, and actually taking notes. He also managed to pepper in a few carefully worded questions, each of which made Hen stop and think about what he’d said, and she found the concepts clicking despite herself. Some of the material was stuff she’d read herself, but some of it was new. More interestingly, some of the things she had _thought_ she’d known really started to settle into place in her brain.

By the time Bobby called them for dinner Buck had been talking for over an hour. Eddie had wandered into the locker room at one point and had joined them, staring wide-eyed at Buck. When another firefighter knocked on the window of the locker room, pointing up at the loft to indicate that dinner was ready, they all froze in silence for a moment.

Eddie got up, clapping Buck on the shoulder, “Wow, you really _can_ learn anything from the internet.” Buck blushed, shrugging sheepishly, but to Chimney’s surprise didn’t say anything to correct him. Eddie patted his shoulder once more before opening the door and heading toward the stairs. Buck turned to follow him, but Hen grabbed his arm gently before he could. She pulled him into a tight hug.

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Buckaroo. I’m so sorry.”

Buck hesitated for a moment, but then reached up to return the hug. “Uh... thanks? You... um... you don’t have anything to be sorry for, Hen. And I’m happy to help, if it... if it was actually helpful, that is. If it wasn’t, I promise, just tell me, I don’t have to-” Hen cut him off with a sad look before pulling him back into a hug.

“I underestimated you, Buckaroo. I underestimated you and I’m so sorry. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

Buck blushed again, giving her a bashful smile. “I like to read, I guess.” He hugged her more time, accepting her apology, and left the room. Hen paused to tidy up her study materials before she, too, headed for dinner.

Chimney frowned. That was all Buck was going to say?


End file.
